We do a lot of grandparent cases in our office. There is nothing more difficult for a parent to do than to admit that their child is incapable of raising their own child. Sadly, often the reason is drugs. Sometimes I think that my cases over the years are the best example of how addiction damages everyone in a family, down through generations. Of course, the most innocent victims are the children.
Grandparents (or other relative caregivers) are often the only thing that keeps a child from foster care or worse. Most Grandparents don't want to ask for legal custody of their grandchildren. Their most fervent hope is that their children will someday be able to raise their own children. They see themselves as a temporary solution...a haven. But often the situation gets so bad that they have to face their own children in a courtroom. Addicted adult children sometimes continue to come in and out of grandparent's homes and bring their addictions with them. The grandchildren are confused, frightened and heart-broken. They have the same hope as their grandparents: that mom or dad will someday get well and take them home. But they are afraid.
Grandparents come to attorneys when they fear the addicted parents will steal the children and take them to unsafe environments. They are first looking for a solution that doesn't involve directly confronting their children. They want a piece of paper their children can sign that will keep the grandchildren safe with grandparents until "it is a good time". Unfortunately, anything but a court order can be revoked at any time. The only piece of paper that will insure that the children can't be taken by their parents is a court order. And to get a court order, a court must find that the children will be in danger with their own parents. And that means a difficult confrontation.
The law in most states now assumes that a fit parent makes good decisions for their minor children. So the grandparent has the burden of proving that the parents are a serious physical or emotional danger to the children. The court can order drug tests and other evaluations to help establish the situation. Social studies and treatment can be ordered. The courts I work with take their responsibilities to keep children safe very seriously. But the preference is that children be with their parents unless that is not feasible. So asking for custody of a grandchild is not trivial. Fortunately (or unfortunately) most grandparents who come to me have plenty of evidence and history.
The biggest mistake that grandparents or other alternate caregivers make is to wait too long. They dread bringing their problems into court, they hope things will get better, they hope there will be no confrontation. When your addicted child is at the door or school or daycare trying to take their child, it has become an emergency. The first step is to make sure all of the child's caretakers know about the situation. While a school or daycare is reluctant to refuse to release a child to his parent without some paperwork (court order), they often can delay things in time for the grandparent to get there. So make sure they know how to reach you as quickly as possible at any time. When you get to the school or daycare, try to reason with the parent, try to take them somewhere to talk, try to give them some money if that is what they want. Remember, when you are talking to an addict, you are talking to the drugs. The police cannot help you without an order. It is my experience that they will often try to "talk" the situation down but they are not always successful.
Once you have cooled the situation down, call an attorney as soon as possible. An attorney can try to get emergency orders and a court date for you to protect your grandchildren. In Texas, if you have had care, custody or control of a child for six months, you have a right to go into court and ask for orders. If not, an attorney can sometimes figure out a way to get your grandchild before the court anyway. Obviously, you are much better off if you see an attorney before the situation becomes critical. You should at least understand your rights, the parent's rights and the legal process.
Remember, even a court order doesn't have to be forever. Orders can always be changed if and when a parent recovers. The safety of your grandchildren has to come first.
